Some characteristics of Formal English

Wait, “Formal English”? Is there such a thing? Yes, there is such a thing! And, unsurprisingly, it is a very robotic way of writing. It is mandatory for newspapers — and similar fashions of conduct — to write in formal English. It is not the law — at least, I hope not –, most readers will simply go to another newspaper or what-have-you.

It is very easy for a native English speaker to detect, but writing it is another matter. It is not that hard, to be honest. Formal English is straight-forward, highly objective (unbiased), and showing very little emotion or passion. I know the end sounds bad, but it is true. That is why novelists do not write their novels in formal English. Informal English is a way of connecting while formal English is of reporting, informing, displaying (hence why it is supposed to be objective) or showing a sense of respect.

You will notice these very simple traits in formal English (please, forgive my second-person way of writing):

• Like I said, straight forward. No-nonsense, so to speak.
• Objective or unbiased. You do not voice your opinion and you espicially do not rant.
• Words are precise and not general. Instead of “Stop it!” it would be considered legitimate to say “Halt!” or “Desist your actions!” or similar. Another example: “Please, forgive my second-person style of writing” instead of “Please, forgive my second-person way of writing.”
• No slang of any type.
• No contractions. Such contractions are isn’t, aren’t, I’m, I’ll, you’re, etc. Instead, you would say is not, are not, I am, I will and you are.
• Sentences are as complete as possible while still being legitimate. Simply, no fragment sentences (unless it is an article in the newspaper or you are in a situation where you are provided little space for meaning).
• Whether or not adding an honorific when you say someone’s name is based on your area. I do know that you should always address people by their surname. Adding an honorific is optional, though not always optional. Just depends on your area’s culture. I assume adding an honorific will show your respect and the chances that will have the opposite affect is slim.

It is not that hard to understand, though I do not recommend it as a way of writing. Very robotic. Unless you are required to write formally, of course.

Words that need to be obliderated

Not just obliterated, but annihilated, eliminated and blotted out. These are the words from the underworld. The word some God hates and some person regrets ever conceiving. Damn them all. It should be noted that because English has inflection as a feature, I’m only going to list the basic forms of the words I hate or am tired of hearing. All other forms, let it be numeral, tense or other, count as well.

diversify (anything with -ify is a “made up” word. Diverse, in its adjective form, is fine)
racism
environment
gas
price
crisis
intelligent design
public school
deserve
Medicare
otaku (I do not why either. Probably because it implies a stereotype… or is a stereotype)
health care crisis (See this thread as to why)
society (“Welcome, to our perfect society!” Only brainwashed collectivists use “society.”)
Barack Obama
John McCain

Ok, so the last two are not words (as in, they do not mean anything. In formal English, anyway (“John” is slang for restroom – particularly, the toilet)), but names. Medicare is a contraction, I should note.

Oh, yes. I should not forget Internet Slang. There is so much of it, so I will not post any of it. I will just say that I dread it.

Controversial quotes

It is a thousand times better to have common sense without education than to have education without common sense.
Robert Green Ingersoll

I love America more than any other country in this world, and, exactly for this reason, I insist on the right to criticize her perpetually.
James A. Baldwin

If a man would follow, today, the teachings of the Old Testament, he would be a criminal. If he would follow strictly the teachings of the New, he would be insane.
Robert Green Ingersoll

Theology is never any help; it is searching in a dark cellar at midnight for a black cat that isn’t there. Theologians can persuade themselves of anything.
Robert A. Heinlein

I would rather entertain and hope that people learned something than educate people and hope they were entertained.
Walt Disney

Much education today is monumentally ineffective. All too often we are giving young people cut flowers when we should be teaching them to grow their own plants.
John W. Gardner

There is nothing so stupid as the educated man if you get him off the thing he was educated in.
Will Rogers

In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.
Mark Twain

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
P. J. O’Rourke

I’m tired of hearing it said that democracy doesn’t work. Of course it doesn’t work. We are supposed to work it.
Alexander Woollcott

We live in a world in which politics has replaced philosophy.
Martin L. Gross

Ask five economists and you’ll get five different answers – six if one went to Harvard.
Edgar R. Fiedler

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