My friend Austin (@albatrossd, Albatross Abroad) convinced me to get into StumbleUpon, because apparently he became an overnight superstar by submitting a blog post of his to the site (in other words, he got 150 views). I did the same thing, and you know what, I’ll be damned! While an increase in traffic is a good thing, we both agreed that it was probably just a bunch of hits that will never return again. Nevertheless, I got an extra 146 hits in one day, so I’ll admit that it is pretty, well, impressive, I guess.
Of course, I don’t want to just whore out my website, do I? I want to actually, you know, use the website! So, I started browsing through the anime section of StumbleUpon and, well, I will say that there are a lot of “Top 10 anime you should see” and similar shit like that. I have also run into a few Kotaku posts about anime, which are just as bad as the gaming articles. It is all clickbait, and frankly I am not surprised that a few of them got their content from BuzzFeed (fuck that godawful site).
What do I think of “Top” lists? They’re shit. God awful shit. Well, OK, I admit, the AFI’s 100 Years… 100 Movies list is pretty good. Of course, the thing about that list is, it is actually determined by 1) more than one person 2) those people actually know shit. As Wikipedia says,
from a poll of more than 1,500 artists and leaders in the film industry who chose from a list of 400 nominated movies
So, people who have written “Top 10 anime lists” and similar drivel, I ask you, why the fuck is your list worth anything? I see a few common problems with these lists:
- They’re all the same. How many fucking times have I seen Cowboy Bebop, Samurai Champloo, Paranoia Agent, Ghost in the Shell, and Neon Genesis Evangelion on these lists? This list fucking sucks. Why? The only semi-decent list is this one at wildgrounds.com. That brings us to point two…
- Everything on these lists was either on Toonami or is a Ghibli film. What the fuck is so great about Toonami? Yeah, sure, Toonami introduced some people to anime. And, yet, I can’t help but feel that the adoration for Toonami is nostalgia. Remember when Cartoon Network brought Toonami back? Everyone was throwing a party. Now that it’s back, who honestly gives a fuck? Do you know anyone that regularly watches that crap, that wasn’t watching it already? And I ain’t got nothing against Ghibli films (Porco Rosso and Nausicaa are, like, amazing), but recommending the same three movies is a little stupid. Which brings us to the third one…
- Everyone has seen this shit already. You recommend Cowboy Bebop? Motherfucker, everyone and their grandmother has seen that shit. It’s only, you know, the most popular show on the anime block of Cartoon Network? The Big O? FLCL? Who the flying fuck has not seen this shit? Spirited Away? Fuck you, that won an Oscar! WHO THE FUCK HAS NOT SEEN THAT? Unless they have absolutely no experience with anime, they have probably seen Trigun or Blue Gender already. When I write a “Top 10 American movies you should see” list, I’ll be sure to mention The Matrix, Lord of the Rings, and Avatar, because obviously nobody has seen those obscure movies. This brings us to the fourth point…
- These lists are clickbait drivel meant to start a circlejerk. Time and time again, the top rated comment is, “Great list!” FUCK YOU! The whole purpose of this garbage was so everyone would agree in the comments. It was written by lazy fucks who did zero research and who don’t care about anime and just want to list some shit they saw when they saw it on Toonami or whatever the fuck is popular. This then starts this gigantic circlejerk of “Yeah great list but I would add this shitty anime.” Oh, and that shitty anime? Everyone has seen it already. Now, the final point…
- Liking shit doesn’t make you special or interesting. Oh, you like Tatami Galaxy? Who gives a fuck? So do 18,000 other people.
What can be done about any of this? Not a god damn thing. All I can do it make my own list, because obviously I can’t criticize the work of someone else unless I can do it too, right? Here’s my fucking top 10 list, motherfucker.
OPTIMAL EXPLOSION’S TOP 10 LIST OF KICKASS ANIME THAT DON’T SUCK AS MUCH AS YOUR MOM
- One Piece
- Dragonball Z
- Attack on Titan
- Death Note
- Code Geass
- Neon Genesis Evangelion
- Spirited Away
- Elfen Lied
Go watch everything on that list, fucker. Oh, you’ve seen them already? FUCK YOU! Watch them again.
P.S.: Don’t forget to comment “Great list!” below! :3
Update: added a fifth point. Don’t forget to like, share, favorite, and subscribe!